The Discipline to Walk Away
What a lost deal and a withdrawn offer taught me about leadership, alignment, and walking away with integrity.
Two things happened last week that on their own are not significant but together helped bring into focus some things worth sharing.
First: We pulled out of an RFP most companies would die to get invited to.
Second: A candidate we were excited about retracted their signed offer letter and will not be joining us (but as I told them, our door is always open).
At face value, these both sound like losses.
But to me, they were wins.
Let me explain.
Lesson 1: Know When You're Not the Fit
The RFP was a big one. Important prospect. Well-run process. We had the team, the credibility, and the experience to compete. And if I’m being honest, I think we probably could have won.
But as we dug into the specs and reviewed what the client actually needed, we realized something:
We weren't the right fit.
Not because we weren’t capable. But because we knew someone else might actually serve them better. Our internal team would’ve been forced to stretch in ways that would ultimately cost us more than we’d gain—culture, trust, bandwidth. All of it.
So we walked. Not halfway. Not with caveats. We respectfully withdrew, told them the truth, and moved on.
That’s not weakness. That’s discipline. And in this business, discipline is underrated.
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is say:
“We’re not the best fit. And that’s okay.”
Lesson 2: Respect the “No”
A few days later, a candidate who had accepted an offer with us backed out.
My first reaction? Frustration.
We’d invested time. We’d gotten excited. We had plans.
But once I got over the sting, I felt something else:
Respect.
It takes guts to say “no” after you've already said “yes.”
To admit that something feels off. That maybe you said yes too soon, or for the wrong reasons. Or that something unexpected in your life has changed…
And it’s better to realize that now than six months down the line after misalignment eats away at everyone involved.
People should work where they feel they can be themselves. Where they can thrive. Where they’re not just performing a role, but contributing something real.
That kind of clarity? I welcome it.
What These Two Moments Had in Common
At first glance, these stories look different.
One is about a sales process. The other, a hiring decision.
But underneath, they’re the same.
They’re about honesty. About alignment. About trusting your gut before you get too far down the road.
In private markets—and in life—there’s always a temptation to force it.
Say yes, win the deal, fill the seat, close the gap.
But I’ve learned that short-term wins at the expense of long-term fit are rarely worth it.
That’s not softness. That’s leadership.
The Takeaways I’m Carrying Forward
Don’t fake fit. Whether you’re the GP, a candidate/employee or service provider/partner—if it’s not a match, own it early.
Say the hard thing sooner. Misalignment doesn’t fix itself. It compounds.
Walk away with clarity, not fear. Sometimes the best growth comes from knowing when not to do something.
In both situations, it would’ve been easy to push forward on the RFP or pressure the candidate.
But that’s not who we are.
I believe in taking the high road—even when no one’s watching.
Because how you show up in these moments defines how you’re remembered in the market.
Not just as a company, but as a leader.
Thanks for reading. If this resonated, I’ll be sharing more of these reflections—real stories, hard lessons, and things I’m learning in real time—as we build.
Subscribe here to get the next one in your inbox.